

As a way to spend my time this summer, and as a fun project, I decided that I would search for the
Best Burger in the Bay Area. Yeah, you've probably seen a million threads on Yelp and Chowhound about it, but I decided that I would do my own search for my for friends, my 2 blog followers, and for my own amusement.
Interestingly enough, this whole thing started because I was determined to prove Bud's Burgers is
not, in fact, as good as my Vallejo friends claim. They never said it was the best, but the way someone says
"Bud's Burrrrrrrrrgerrrrrrs" makes you think
Jesus Christ made it from kobe beef racks. Afterwards, I had a conversation with friends about making burgers and wanting a great burger recipe, which prompted to me to head out into the Bay and
search for the Holy Ground. Anyway, since my hater period, I've decided to go through this whole thing unbiased. I assure you that
there is no malicious intent, as I love my Vallejo peoples, and I want to be as fair as humanly possible. Who knows?
Maybe they're right.
Please be advised that this whole thing is
completely subjective and
all in fun; I
do not claim to be a burger or food expert, and moreover,
my sense of smell is f*cked up. Since my brain injury several years ago, my lost sense of smell has been coming back, but not in the right way (kinda like how raising someone back from the dead in Buffy always ended up wrong).
Some rules I've set that I might break- This whole series will judge
only the burgers. Not the fries. Not the service. Not the drinks. Not the restaurant. The burger and only the burger. But just in case you're wondering, I'll also mention the other stuff, but it will not be included in the score.
- The burger must be made of
ground meat. This means no sliced steak or any fancy shmancy crap. Stuff that goes through the grinder. Note that I said "meat", which means I can include Turkey, Buffalo, Ostrich, Graboids, Boca, or anything else they can come up with.
-
Any type of burger, special or not, counts. Regular Cheeseburger, 13 Dollar Guacamole Burger, Kobe Beef Burgers, Burgerstuffed Burgers with Burger as a Bun Bound in Bacon.
-
Any place will do. Diners, Drives, PF Chang's, Fancy Shmancy's, Jack In The Box, Pierre's Hella Expensive We Only Drink The Best Wine Restaurant*. Don't matter. If it's a burger, it'll count. In fact,
if you think you can make a better burger than that, and you're willing to make me the best burger, then
I will come over to your house and eat it.
And with that out of the way, let's get to our first contender:
The "Cheeseburger" at Joe's of Westlake (Daly City, CA)
That, right there, is the "
Cheeseburger" from Joe's. Nope, there is no special name to that little sucka right there. There was no description either. It just read:
Cheeseburger ............................$10.95
Neither did I ask for anything special. Just ordered it medium rare. And what came to me was a charbroiled burger on a (French? Italian?) roll with what I think was melted Monterey Jack cheese. Nothing else on it. As you can see, it came pretty red, but I was okay with that, since I do like my burgers pretty rare. So how'd it do?
Well, at first bite, that burger was really freakin juicy. It had a lot of flavor to it, and with the melted cheese to soften the strength of the juices, I think it really tasted quite good. The texture of the burger itself was really where it was at. Even though the meat wasn't falling apart, it didn't feel like one meshed up patty at all. It all just separated as I bit and chew, and I really loved that. I swear the cow that went into this beef probably strolled right into the restaurant and practically begged to take a dip in the grinder, it seemed that fresh. I enjoyed those first few bites.
Then came the hard truth: the bun sucked. Midway through eating the burger, I asked Jen what she thought, and she had the same complaint I did: The roll, as interesting and tasty as it looked, was tough to bite through. I literally had to bite and rip the bread off with my teeth like a T-Rex gnawing on an M1 Abrams tank. It really kept me from enjoying the meat. No bun should be distracting you from the main attraction of the sandwich, and it really did. That dropped it some points.
Now toward the end, as I was getting fuller, I started to notice only the burnt taste of the burger. I understand that this is an effect of the charbroiling. And besides that, I was also not as hungry as I was at the beginning of dinner. Not to mention that as I remember having colds with no smell, lightly burned things tasted a lot more burnt than I thought it would. So considering those things, maybe a normal person wouldn't notice or care, but to me it made those last bites really unappealing. Since I couldn't be sure about it, I took only half a point from the burger.
So the final verdict?
6.5 out of 10
If it wasn't for the bun and the overwhelmingly burnt taste, it could've scored anywhere from an 8 to a 9. I definitely don't think this was the best burger. I give it a minor recommendation, if you're in the area, but not just for the burger. Check in my notes to see why.
Notes
- Lots and lots of old people there. I'm not entirely convinced the place isn't right next to a retirement home. Plus or minus? Well, there're no hipster kids there doin
the jerk or gettin all
rambunctioned (yeah, I made that up), so I'll give that a plus.
- It's an old time Italian spot, and the architecture looks like a place my grandma used to live at in San Diego. It also means the maitre'd and waiters were all dudes in tuxes. Very cool. I didn't get the dudes in the goomba-ass Italian suits though. Because they might ice me.
- Jen's Chicken Parmigiana was much better than mine. And it was freakin HUUUGE! She didn't enjoy the wine sauce as much as I did, but she hella loved the spaghetti. As did I. I was pretty jealous that she got that damn spaghetti.- And finally, we did not ask for water.
- Shame on you, Joe. Shame.
* Only if I can afford. This means within 10% of my 2 week paycheck.